Thursday, July 19, 2012

Birthday Celebration

Wow! I realized just now long it has been since my last post...

It is good to be back!

If you saw my post from the 4th of July you know that I have been thinking a lot about my Mom and missing her desperately. Some days are better than others but, for the past two weeks there have been moments when I have missed her so much that I was sure I was finally going to have the big breakdown that my aunt warned me about months ago. I have been waiting for it, but so far no breakdown.

  I ran away last weekend, in part so we wouldn't have to do the traditional ice cream and cake party for my birthday (I will do a post on our weekend getaway in the next few days). I was afraid we would all get together and just cry over Mom not being here. It turns out tradition was just what I needed.

Dad and Dayna were determined to celebrate my birthday so on Tuesday night we went to dinner at Tepanyaki in Lehi to celebrate. G&G Black and Aunt Angie came too. After dinner we all went to my parents' house for homemade ice cream and yummy cupcakes from Dippidee. Instead of crying, we all laughed. Telling old family stories, talking about Mom, and remembering the funny things that she said during her last week of life. Our little celebration was a moment of healing for all of us.

  At dinner watching our cook prepare our fried rice and noodles. 
(Dad, G&G Black, and Auntie Angie)


  1. Sometimes it is better to keep doing things rather than running. Your mom wouldn't want that after all. Healing takes time, you might never have that big break down, some people do, others don't. With an aggressive cancer like your mom had, you had to face massive grief right off. Unlike other illnesses that come and go because life can go on for months, these shorter illnesses push you through grief faster than you think, and more intensely in many, many ways.

    I hope you can continue to find those moments of joy, and live life like your mother. No regrets.

    1. Thanks Tanya. You are right she would not want me to run and she would not want us to stop doing the things that we have always done just because she isn't here. Although I am sure that she is with us more than we realize.
      Grief is funny. It seems to come in waves. I have wondered if I didn't go through the worst of it while she was sick, but there are still moments.

  2. It is hard, but your mom would be so sad that you do not continue celebrations. She loved all of you so much and always wanted only the best for all of you. I learned the hard way when my mom died. I was just a few years younger than you when my mom passed. It was 23 years ago. I will not tell you that it gets easier, but you remember the fantastic person your mom was. She helped form the wonderful woman you are today and she will coninue to guide you in your life. Know you are loved and everyone is thinking of you.

    1. Thanks Kathy. It is funny that you say that you will not tell me it gets easier because years ago my grandma told me that you never get over losing your mother and that she missed her mother everyday. Little did we know that she was giving me words of wisdom that I would need someday. You are right, she would feel so bad if we just stopped having our family celebrations and doing our holiday traditions. I think I will be more passionate about keeping the traditions alive when I have kids. I want my kids to know her and keeping traditions will be a good way to help them get to know their grandma.